Christmas 2008 (sorry it is so late!)

I haven't been able to post anything since about a week or so ago because we got hit by the biggest snow storm my parents have seen since they were both kids! We got over 2ft of snow, and I decided I hate shoveling it.

Christmas was kinda lonely for me. I'll tell you why in a bit. But first I should probably tell you what I got, so I can get that aout of the way and sate your curiosity.
I really didn't get much, I got an iPod portable docking system, an X-men movie trilogy (that I already had, and traded in for the Matrix trilogy), an intellectual devotional that has a random fact and a short essay on it for every day of the year, a down throw, and... that's it.

I did run off and buy myself a model 1967 Pontiac GTO, and a few Xbox games.
I got:
Star Wars: Obi-wan,
X-men 3: The Official Game,
X-men: NExt Dimension,
Enter the Matrix, and
Time Splitters: Future Perfect.

Ok, back to me being lonely over christmas. I'm going to post an entry from my personal journal, I figure like nobody reads my blog anyways, and those who do I trust a fair amount. So here is my entry, and that is all for today.

" ~Journal Entry: Christmas 2008~

I think I should write some more. I use my journals, not as a reminder of events, but as a reminder of events, but as a reminder of emotions and thoughts about events that are either worth remembering or could, with more thought, lead me to a Truth about myself.
Anyways, Christmas this year was depressing. Last year about this time Ai Ching broke up with me. But I didn’t find out she ended it until like the 2nd or 3rd week of January, so Christmas (in New Zealand) wasn’t so bad.
But this year as I listen to Christmas music and hang out with family, I feel sad, alone, secluded.
One thing might contribute is that, since I can’t stand most of the traditional Christmas music, that only really leaves the songs about people being together at Christmas time. Now maybe it is because the one human love of my life (God isn’t really human, neither are my guitars of Cheyenne) is one state up and like 3 or 4 states over. Maybe I am still suffering from my breakup with Ai last year. Maybe it is because I’m not close to my family.
I mean, I rarely get time to spend with my Aunt & Uncle and Grandparents. Especially since we moved out to Nowhere. So I’m not really that close to any of them.
And as for my immediate family… We just don’t get along. My mom and dad say it is my fault, I don’t listen, always argue, handle situations badly, etc. But it is also theirs. I mean you know what they say, “It takes 2 to tango”. If we are going to get along, we are going to have to meet each halfway, and we aren’t. I don’t know who really is at fault, I know I am a part of it, and I get the areas where I fall down pointed out all the time. But I can’t point out where they fall down. I know they are not following through on their part, but I either don’t know what my own problem is or I’m unfamiliar with the whole “parenting” stuff, but I really don’t know what they should be doing. Besides aren’t they, being parents and all , supposed to know what they need to know and fix it themselves? So why do I have to point it out? I dunno…
Anyways… I don’t really “connect” with anyone in my family. I’m either being alienated or alienating myself from them (a bit of both really).
I can’t joke with them as much, talk with them as much, do much of anything meaningful. All I can do is sit back wishing I was sitting there with Lexy. Or wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t of grown into a cynical, sarcastic, rebellious outcast. Or what if Ai Ching never broke up with me, what if I had staid in Malaysia… What are all the friends I have scattered around the world doing. Are any of them thinking of me?
Why does my heart ache like this?
Where can I find peace?
God, where can I find answers?"

Update: 12/13/08

Well, the good news is I haven't gone crazy yet =) I guess that is always something to be thankful for... Anyways, How are all you? Good? Awesome! =]

Ok, so yesterday I finally found the 4th "Maximum Ride" book at the library. If you like the X-men, and always wished they were just a bit more normal, a bit younger, and had a tad bit more romance and a tad less beating the crap out of the bad guy, you might like this book series. (Its by James Patterson). Anyways, I got it last night and this morning read it... in 2 hours! I guess I won't have any of those "long winter nights in front of the fire with a good book.

Also, me and my beautiful and talented Canadian friend Alex are conspiring to write a song together =) so far all I can tell you is the title: "The Stuff that Dreams are Made of", and i can tell you it is gonna be great! I'll post it when it gets finished, either here or on my "2B or not 2B" blog (links to the blog at bottom of page), or maybe on both. We'll see.

Hay, notice how above I said "gonna" instead of "going to"? Guess what, my comp didn't mark it as wrong spelling, guess why? 'Cause I told it it was a real word! =D I'm a bad influence to my computer... Oh well.

I'll talk to ya'all later! Bye!

The Infamous December Coffee Break Plot!

(This is a true story)

The Infamous “December Coffee Break” Plot
By Joshua

The Omnibus 1 class of 2008 was an interesting and creative compilation of students, the most creative being the order-threatening duo of Jacob Williams and Joshua Shipman.
Josh, of course, being the one who was a part of the Omnibus 2 the year before, was the primary conspirator in the “December Coffee Break Plot”. The plot was pleasantly simple, being made possible by the foolhardy promises of the teacher, and was even simpler to carry out. The conspiracy took place as follows:
During a serious discussion in class (punctuated of course by random trivia from Jacob and sarcastic quips from Josh), Mr. Riverman (our favorite unsuspecting teacher) brought up the castle of “Krak Des Chevaliers”. Josh and Chelsea Scribner, a fellow troublemaker, were the only ones to have knowledge of it. So, in response to the class’s ignorance, Riverman made a deal with the class.
If the whole class could bring a photo of the castle and have a cursory knowledge of it, he would take the class out to coffee.
Josh took advantage of his teacher’s promise and sent out an E-mail reminding the class of the pledge, and even giving directions for finding the photo and required information.
Needless to say, the class all turned in the picture, stunning their soon-to-be-broke teacher, and causing him to possibly swear off making deals with his class forever.

Update (12/4/08)

Well, I suppose it is time to update this thing. Actually, a very good friend (and you know who you are ;) ) said I needed to write, so you could say I'm writing in deference to a good friend. =J

Speaking of my good friend, her birthday is to day. Speaking of her birthday, mine is in 2 days.... Scary, huh? 2 days until 18... I need a childhood >.<

What else is new... Oh, my Co-op is having a Christmas party in a few weeks, and I'm on the planning committee. It is kinda frustrating 'cause the parents voted to give us no budget, and I have to run all my stuff past Mrs. Kilgore. Not that I mind the last one really, it is just I work faster when left to myself.

Also the church that hosts our co-op is having us put on a christmas program thing for a bunch of retired people. I've signed up to play/sing a Rock 'n' Roll version of "Little Drummer Boy" and a song I wrote specifically for the performance called "Wonder of Wonders". I'm trying to talk either my friend Jake or my little brother to play drums for "Little Drummer Boy". But I don't know if either will take my offer.

Another thing to add, I've been looking for a quarter-inch to USB cable for plugging my guitar into the comp. I saw one at Target for ~$40. It had a input for a quarter-inch mike along with the guitar plug-in. I looked at Best Buy and Circuit City and the guys there didn't even know a cord like what I wanted existed =P But I was at Five-Star Guitars the other day for guitar strings, and I found a Line 6 Gearbox. It is basically a Quarter-inch to USB relay. it also came with software which gave me a bunch of extra distortions and other effects. And it was only ~$48, so it was a better deal than the other one.

So... besides the up-coming co-op stuff, my new recording device, and terror at an upcoming birthday, I think that is all. I'll report in with more as they come up.

Return of the Shadow!

Ok, all I have to say is very short, but very important!

For those of you who know, my electric guitar (an Ibenez RG named 'Shadow') somehow rusted over Christmas break last year. I cleaned him up as best as I could and got him cleaned by Evolution Music in Gurney Plaza (Penang). Well about 6 weeks ago, I was changing the strings and the 'A' Bridge Saddle snapped. So for the last 6 weeks I've been waiting for 5-Star Guitars (the closest guitar store to my house) to get the piece. So, as you might have guessed, 6 weeks is way to long to order one stupid little piece. But 5-Star was having some trouble getting it, but last Thursday, guess what... THEY GOT THE PIECE!!!!

So Shadow is back in action! I did notice that another bridge saddle is starting to fracture, but that shouldn't be for a while. And because I have one of those fancy Floyd Rose bridges, I'm gonna have to take it back to 5-Star and get it tuned properly. when I do that I'm gonna order another saddle for when the fractured one breaks.

Anyways, that's my news!

"Lost" (Poem)

Lost

Wild hair falls in face,
Lost in Time, lost in Space.
Hollow eyes staring onward,
Sitting in your dark corner.
Gone is the sense of innocence,
Now is the weight of experience.
Sadness, sorrow, grief,
Wandering the barren heath.
On this long and lonely sojourn,
Traveling like the one who mourns.
Red eyes with no whites, just black.
Heart stretched on an eternal rack.
Bones crack, muscles sore,
Pain reaches to the very core.
Lightning burns down base of skull,
Sweat runs down wet and cool.
Thoughts deranged like ancient Macbeth,
Does peace come only from Death?



Think about this poem. Do you ever feel this way?

Update 10/27/08 (Bridgetown, Latin Mass, Etc.)

Ok, so an update on current events:

On Friday I went with a bunch of kids from my co-op to Portland to work with "Bridgetown Ministries". They have this deal under the Burnside Bridge where they bring food and clothing and friendship to the homeless of Portland. They also have 2 smaller groups that do 'walkabouts' around different parts of Portland taking the same stuff to other homeless, and praying for the city and people in it. It was really kool, I got to talk music with a guy who played drums on the street for money, and I got into a debate with one guy about everything from politics to the Last Days! It was a real eye-opener for alot of people in our group, I've been around homeless a bit, and some of the other guys had been working with Bridgetown for a while too.

Then on Saturday, we went to a Latin Mass to hear examples of Plainchant for my music appreciation class. I was really kool, though a bit to formal for an every-week thing. They said alot of the prayers in Latin, ad the Ordinary was sung in Latin. You could hear perfectly from anywhere in the church, and they didn't use mikes or speakers, it was all natural! Is that kool or what?

Other than that, I'm playing guitar in chapel next tuesday, and also in AWANA on Monday. So wish me luck!

I did it...

If you read my last entry, you'll see that through the conviction of God and my own desperation I basically took off my 'Mask' and showed at least part of my true face to my Leadership class.
It actually went better than I expected and I didn't freeze up or fight myself to much, as I was afraid I would. I asked Mrs. Kilgore at lunch if I could talk to the class when we normally have our small group time. The ironic thing was that the lesson was dead on what I wanted to talk about. The title of the section we read and went over (from the book "Living a High Definition Life" by Luis Palau) was titled "Popular but Lonely". And everything that it said in the section we read was God speaking to my heart. after I said what I had to, Mrs. Kilgore told me what I did took guts and courage. I think it was more out of conviction and desperation than courage. And during my little 'talk' James D. asked me what they could do to earn my trust... he probably doesn't know it, but the fact he asked that question helped me trust him more.

Anyways, that's the follow up for my latest God-Inspired stunt =J I won a battle, but my war is far from over. I'll try to keep you updated on the rest of the campaign.

Until later...

Update: 10-2-08

Not much new. I discovered that Dave (the guy I do music with at AWANA is gonna be leaving end of October, and then I'll be by myself... if Steve lets me continue now there is only one of us =P

Also... as you probably know, I suffer from bouts of depression and tend to contemplate my own sins and failures a bit more than is probably healthy for me. I summed it up quite nicely, I believe, in a little analogy I posted on my Facebook page:

"There are times when your thoughts turn inward, and it is like walking into your room that you haven't cleaned in a year. there is all this junk laying around, it all belongs to you, and there are little monsters hiding in some places. You don't want to clean things up, and you know that you'll have to dump some of the stuff on friends later, but you don't want them to have to deal with your junk. That and if you stay to long, the monsters you created come out, wanting to play. But they are abominations not even a mother could love, and it scared the heck out of you."

Over the last week, through random little events that have been building up... I have decided that God wants me to lay down as much as I can to my Leadership class (it is kinda a Bible-study group, Small-group, and Leadership-training all rolled into one). So tomorrow (Friday), I'm going to attempt to do just that. Of course it will depend on if Mrs. Kilgore will let me high-jack the last part of class... but God willing I will do it, and hopefully either be free of my heavy conscience or well on the way.


That is all for now, I'll tell you more when I can.

AWANA Music

OK, so last monday, I started doing worship for the council times at my Churches AWANA group. Me and Dave, the leader from last year, we started from a cold start and did pretty well playing together for the first time =J For the last few years (excluding my year in Malaysia) I have been running Sound and Powerpoint and co-running Game-time. This year I decided to give up Game-time for Music, and I think I'm gonna like this. Please pray that this works out and I can keep my focus on God, and not just the music and kids.

Thanx Ya'all!

Okay, the BIG update! (And I'm back!)

Ok, so I'm back. And this is the big update for the last few months:

We are back in the US, we arrived from Malaysia in June, and right away packed up our house in Oregon and moved 30 minutes away to a 10 acre plot of land in the country. We now own 2 sheep, over 6 chickens, and 2 cats. And we can't sell or eat any of them. I really don't see how we are going to be able to run a small farm and go about our normal hectic lives. Well, anyways...

For those of you who are savvy to, and/or have been following the real-life soap opera between me and Lexi, she was actually able to come to Oregon on 7/6/08. I had the privilege to attend her grandfather Bill Isles' concert in Portland. WE then spent the whole next day running around Hillsboro and the adjacent countryside. Because of the many E-mails, phone calls, and chats we had over the last 3 years or so, meeting in person just brought us closer together. After much praying and talking, we decided that, if we both wish it, we will become and official 'item' when Lex turns 17 (which is in about 2-3 years).

School started just 2 weeks ago, and the first day of school was a retreat at on of the Co-op leader's house. She had a swimming pool, and (as everyone knows that I hate water) I did my best to stay out of it... But my best was not enough. While everyone was in the pool I found a Super-soaker and secretly filled it. Then I went sniping people ;) All was fine, nobody got to mad, until I took the chance and grazed one girl in the back of the head... Big mistake. To make a long story short, everyone ganged up on me and, after a long struggle, threw me in the pool. =J Talk about a great ice-breaker =D

So, anyways, to rap things up, I'm going to be leading worship at my church for our AWANA group, and I'm taking piano lessons. As always I'm writing stories and songs and trying to finish a comic book idea =P

I'll see you all later!

Thoughts of a Deranged Mind (also called "Contradictions")

Contradictions
By Joshua 4-28-2008


Isn’t it strange how full of contradictions we are? We say we are one thing, yet we act another. We think one thing, yet believe something else. We are one thing, yet people see you as another.
Take me for example:

I am careful in all I do.
Yet I limp and have multiple sore wounds.

I am thoughtful, a deep thinker.
Yet I act to hastily and can miss details.

I am friendly, cheerful.
Yet inside I am a loner and depressive.

I am smart, intelligent.
Yet I make mistakes I shouldn’t.

I recognize the foolishness in a romantic relationship.
Yet I push for one whenever I have a chance.

I am loud and cocky.
Yet inside I am quiet and reserved.

I am crazy, wacky, and goofy.
Yet inside I am cynical and calculating.

I think things to the point of infinite detail.
Yet in dealing with a job, money, college, career and relationships I have no plan.

I need to have a set order.
Yet my mind and actions are impulsive and chaotic.

I am a writer, a singer, a musician, a poet, an artist, and an actor.
Yet I feel I can never truly express myself.

I stand alone, by myself, and seem content.
Yet I long for company who I can talk to and trust.

I am strong for others, a rock which the oceans of Life can crash against, but cannot be broken.
Yet a single harsh word from a close friend or relative can tear me up inside.

I AM a contradiction.

OK, sorry I haven't written in a loooooooooooooooong time, but I have been really busy and haven't had much comp time.

I'll give a more detailed account later, but for a short update, Uncle Brent and Aunt Darla came from the States last week and we took a trip to Kuala Lumpur (see pic of famous "Petronas Towers" above). We saw the Petronas Towers, the KL Hard Rock Cafe, and the KL Tower.
I gotta comment on the Hard Rock Cafe, "Heaven is a place on Earth, and there are guitars on the walls!" =D That place was awesome! Oldies blaring, Harleys parked outside,and famous musician's guitars hanging on the walls along with pics and all sorts of awesome stuff. I'll post pics of it later =]

Write more soon, Adios!

My Dream

Ok, so I had a dream/vision a while back, (exact date was 11/19/07, before 5:04 AM). I think it has a meaning, but I want to post it and see what you guys think it means if you think it means anything at all.

[Quoted from my personal journal]
"...in my dream I saw a place of caves and caverns hewn out of the rock, similar to Moria in the Lord of the Rings movie. In the caves dwelt people, but they were being hounded by goblin creatures resembling the orcs from LOTR.

Suddenly out of no where the goblins are engaged by tall lizards with the body of a man and head of a Velociraptor. Their skin is scaly and colored gray and either greenish or brownish. They start to slaughter the goblins, but I cannot see the lizard's insignia they wore on their armor, so I can't tell where they are from.

Then in a flash the scene all changes and the people are gone, but the goblins and lizards still fight. Only now they fight outside of Abu Simbel in Egypt. Invisible and intangible to the combatants I move among them until I can see the sign the lizards wear. It is my own symbol of a shark's tooth backed by the Lord's Cross, a lightning bolt, and a strip of red cloth. Then I woke up."

So the way I see it is the goblins are Evil and Trouble, and the people in the caves are the people of earth. The lizards bearing my symbol represent me, and the Cross behind my symbol represents God in my life. The setting of Egypt is represents my goals and dreams in life. (Egypt has always been close to my heart). I believe the message was that as long as God has my back and is with me, I can help people and achieve my dreams and goals. And while I didn't see it in the dream, I think that if I where to have watched longer I would have seen the Cross fade out of the insignia and the lizards start to loose until the cross appeared again.

Does anyone have an opinion?

New Zealand (Update 1/24/08)

Well, sorry I haven't updated for so long. Been kinda busy with stuff and you know how that gets =P

OK, first about New Zealand. It was pretty kool. We went to a whole bunch of places in both South Island and North Island, and saw quite a few LOTR sites. Such as the river Arwen makes her stand against the Nazgul (see above picture), were Frodo and Sam see the Oliphaunts, were Aragorn and Lurtz (the orc who shot Boramir) had there big fight, Mount Doom, and a few others. We also saw a lot of Maori tribal stuff, including a traditional Maori feast. WE took a helicopter ride, and rode in a small Cessna airplane. That was fun =P

Now we are back, school has started, and I could really use prayer. It seems with the new semester I've lost all my friends and am back to being a loner. But at least I'm getting my homework done =P And we are putting on a Drama production for the school that I co-wrote, am going to co-direct, and if we don't get some more male actors to participate then I'm gonna act in it to =P

But besides all that, I'm bored, lonely, and kinda getting a little down. So please pray for me.