"Lost" (Poem)

Lost

Wild hair falls in face,
Lost in Time, lost in Space.
Hollow eyes staring onward,
Sitting in your dark corner.
Gone is the sense of innocence,
Now is the weight of experience.
Sadness, sorrow, grief,
Wandering the barren heath.
On this long and lonely sojourn,
Traveling like the one who mourns.
Red eyes with no whites, just black.
Heart stretched on an eternal rack.
Bones crack, muscles sore,
Pain reaches to the very core.
Lightning burns down base of skull,
Sweat runs down wet and cool.
Thoughts deranged like ancient Macbeth,
Does peace come only from Death?



Think about this poem. Do you ever feel this way?

Update 10/27/08 (Bridgetown, Latin Mass, Etc.)

Ok, so an update on current events:

On Friday I went with a bunch of kids from my co-op to Portland to work with "Bridgetown Ministries". They have this deal under the Burnside Bridge where they bring food and clothing and friendship to the homeless of Portland. They also have 2 smaller groups that do 'walkabouts' around different parts of Portland taking the same stuff to other homeless, and praying for the city and people in it. It was really kool, I got to talk music with a guy who played drums on the street for money, and I got into a debate with one guy about everything from politics to the Last Days! It was a real eye-opener for alot of people in our group, I've been around homeless a bit, and some of the other guys had been working with Bridgetown for a while too.

Then on Saturday, we went to a Latin Mass to hear examples of Plainchant for my music appreciation class. I was really kool, though a bit to formal for an every-week thing. They said alot of the prayers in Latin, ad the Ordinary was sung in Latin. You could hear perfectly from anywhere in the church, and they didn't use mikes or speakers, it was all natural! Is that kool or what?

Other than that, I'm playing guitar in chapel next tuesday, and also in AWANA on Monday. So wish me luck!

I did it...

If you read my last entry, you'll see that through the conviction of God and my own desperation I basically took off my 'Mask' and showed at least part of my true face to my Leadership class.
It actually went better than I expected and I didn't freeze up or fight myself to much, as I was afraid I would. I asked Mrs. Kilgore at lunch if I could talk to the class when we normally have our small group time. The ironic thing was that the lesson was dead on what I wanted to talk about. The title of the section we read and went over (from the book "Living a High Definition Life" by Luis Palau) was titled "Popular but Lonely". And everything that it said in the section we read was God speaking to my heart. after I said what I had to, Mrs. Kilgore told me what I did took guts and courage. I think it was more out of conviction and desperation than courage. And during my little 'talk' James D. asked me what they could do to earn my trust... he probably doesn't know it, but the fact he asked that question helped me trust him more.

Anyways, that's the follow up for my latest God-Inspired stunt =J I won a battle, but my war is far from over. I'll try to keep you updated on the rest of the campaign.

Until later...

Update: 10-2-08

Not much new. I discovered that Dave (the guy I do music with at AWANA is gonna be leaving end of October, and then I'll be by myself... if Steve lets me continue now there is only one of us =P

Also... as you probably know, I suffer from bouts of depression and tend to contemplate my own sins and failures a bit more than is probably healthy for me. I summed it up quite nicely, I believe, in a little analogy I posted on my Facebook page:

"There are times when your thoughts turn inward, and it is like walking into your room that you haven't cleaned in a year. there is all this junk laying around, it all belongs to you, and there are little monsters hiding in some places. You don't want to clean things up, and you know that you'll have to dump some of the stuff on friends later, but you don't want them to have to deal with your junk. That and if you stay to long, the monsters you created come out, wanting to play. But they are abominations not even a mother could love, and it scared the heck out of you."

Over the last week, through random little events that have been building up... I have decided that God wants me to lay down as much as I can to my Leadership class (it is kinda a Bible-study group, Small-group, and Leadership-training all rolled into one). So tomorrow (Friday), I'm going to attempt to do just that. Of course it will depend on if Mrs. Kilgore will let me high-jack the last part of class... but God willing I will do it, and hopefully either be free of my heavy conscience or well on the way.


That is all for now, I'll tell you more when I can.