Hey ya'all, whazzup? It's me, your friendly neighborhood psychopath =)
So, as of late, I finally got my frikin' learner's permit. After only 9 (that's right, "nine") attempts, I have it! I tell you how many tries to get the license after that happens.
I also traded my Epiphone RG electric guitar I painted for another Gibson take-off, a Sanatoga. It looks a lot like the Epiphone LP 100 I got earlier this year for $200, in fact I could trade out the pick-guard and pickup covers if I wanted too.
I have officially decided o take the next year off school and get a job and all that stuff. Then I'll hopefully be going to PCC for a year or two until I can get enough credits to transfer to a four-year college. I still hope to major in music and writing.
Cheyenne is sick 0.0 She's been coughing a lot, and not acting herself. So pray for her? Please?
That's all I can think of, except there was a yearbook signing and going-away party for Chris from my homeschool co-op. Somehow I got invited, but only like 4 people (including my brother and teacher) signed my yearbook. I think that was kinda to be expected =P it wasn't like a lot of people really liked me there =J Oh, 3 people did team up and sign my yearbook, but only to tell me I'll die slowly, so I know I'll treasure that to my grave =P
Anyways, talk to ya'all later.
September 7, 2009
July 14, 2009
Just to share my random happiness.....
Lexy Called Me! =)
And just so this post doesn't appear to be all about her, I have a new guitar, a rockin' amp, and a radio that has little if any static on my favorite stations =) I also have lots of coffee, so I'm set for life! =D
And just so this post doesn't appear to be all about her, I have a new guitar, a rockin' amp, and a radio that has little if any static on my favorite stations =) I also have lots of coffee, so I'm set for life! =D
July 13, 2009
Update: 7/13/09
Hey, sorry this has taken so long. Our computers have been down (something with a corrupted hard drive or some crap like that) and I haven't had almost any internet access for a really long time.
OK, so... not much has really happened =P I got a new guitar, an Epiphone Les Paul 100, it's black with a cream-colored pick guard. And his name is Alex =) or Alexander if you want to use his full name =P
I've been writing my "Taske Force" book, I have 3 books planned and I'm into chapter 7 of the first book. There is a link to the "Taske force Blog" somewhere around my blog page.
Um... other than that, nothing new has really happened. I'll try to keep you people updated more often.
OK, so... not much has really happened =P I got a new guitar, an Epiphone Les Paul 100, it's black with a cream-colored pick guard. And his name is Alex =) or Alexander if you want to use his full name =P
I've been writing my "Taske Force" book, I have 3 books planned and I'm into chapter 7 of the first book. There is a link to the "Taske force Blog" somewhere around my blog page.
Um... other than that, nothing new has really happened. I'll try to keep you people updated more often.
June 3, 2009
A New Thought...
I just discovered why I hate holidays so much, besides the fact we take them out of context and commercialize them. It's because we set ourselves up for this big change or whatever, and we fall right back to where we started.
Think birthdays, like a Sweet-Sixteen or something like that, you set the girl up as being so grown up and tell her how her life has just moved up a notch and all this crap. But after the sleepover and the sugar-highs and chick-flicks, life goes right back to the way it was before the party. All that expectation, all that hype, excitement, etc, it's just an emotional spike that falls right back to where you are, or sometimes lower. So why bother?
Think birthdays, like a Sweet-Sixteen or something like that, you set the girl up as being so grown up and tell her how her life has just moved up a notch and all this crap. But after the sleepover and the sugar-highs and chick-flicks, life goes right back to the way it was before the party. All that expectation, all that hype, excitement, etc, it's just an emotional spike that falls right back to where you are, or sometimes lower. So why bother?
Prayer Request (6/3/09)
Ok, so there is this girl I know, I used to know her really well but we kinda fell apart recently, but she doesn't seem to be doing very well. She has kinda gone a bit Gothic in her appearance, her songs (which weren't always 100% positive to start with) have taken a definite depressing turn, and (if I'm reading what I've been seeing right) it seems she has been losing friends.
I don't know what I can do, or if there is even enough of a relationship there to do any thing with, but God will find a way for her, and she needs prayer. So... please?
Oh, and as a side note: I graduated Monday, June 1st.
I don't know what I can do, or if there is even enough of a relationship there to do any thing with, but God will find a way for her, and she needs prayer. So... please?
Oh, and as a side note: I graduated Monday, June 1st.
May 16, 2009
Just a thought....
So, a prayer mail and updates has been bouncing around an organization I'm loosely affiliated with, and this one guy has been having some tough times and seems to be emerging stronger for all the pain he's gone through. I thought about that, and I thought about my own life, and the life of most of the strong christians I know all went through some pretty tough times before emerging as the strong, resilient, tough, capable (whatever describes them best) person they are now.
Do you think maybe God puts us through times of trouble to toughen us up for the bigger fight? Kinda like a boot-camp or infantry position to give us training and experience before letting us move up into Special Forces?
One of the motto things I've come up with over the last year or so is "When Life has you down just remember, first you have to be lost to be found". So think about that as Life tries to sucker-punch you into a ditch.
Do you think maybe God puts us through times of trouble to toughen us up for the bigger fight? Kinda like a boot-camp or infantry position to give us training and experience before letting us move up into Special Forces?
One of the motto things I've come up with over the last year or so is "When Life has you down just remember, first you have to be lost to be found". So think about that as Life tries to sucker-punch you into a ditch.
Quick Thoughts (Update 5/16/09)
I have a knew motto! =) "Death comes on swift wings... To those who wait for it." It's kinda a reverse of "Time flies when your having fun".
Anyways, Life is actually going fairly well right now. I still have the same ghosts haunting me, same problems, but they don't bug me as much. The Problems I'm working through as they appear, the ghosts I'm learning to live with and cope with, and Life in general I'm learning to survive in and goof off in, if not take joy in living it.
I'll write more when I have some time, but just letting ya'all know Life id OK.
Talk to yah ltr.
Anyways, Life is actually going fairly well right now. I still have the same ghosts haunting me, same problems, but they don't bug me as much. The Problems I'm working through as they appear, the ghosts I'm learning to live with and cope with, and Life in general I'm learning to survive in and goof off in, if not take joy in living it.
I'll write more when I have some time, but just letting ya'all know Life id OK.
Talk to yah ltr.
May 4, 2009
Update: 5/4/09
Wow.... ever had one of those days where you start thinking about how bad your last week or month has been, and you realize "Hey, guess what, I DON'T CARE! It's my life and why should I let other people wreck it for me? That's my job, right?"
I just did... I still am under the impression that I am not the best person to be around most of the time, and I'm not a good influence for the younger crowd, but why let that drag my life down?
I remember when I had so much control of my mind and my emotions I wasn't afraid to interact with any one because I knew that if a situation came up, I could handle it. I still know I can handle anything that arises, I just haven't been wanting to get into those situations. But for those who know me, one of my philosophies is that "Conflict brings about Growth". How do you grow without conflict? You can't. Therefore by staying out of conflict, I'm not growing socially. not that I particularly want to grow socially, but your social growth effects your personal growth, so where does that leave me?
So that's my latest words of wisdom. srry, wisdom is kinda an extreme overstatement.
I don't really have much to offer as to personal updates, Graduation is June 1st, I'm prob gonna fail my HEalth and US Gov classes, but I'm not sure if I really care.
I'm planning to go see the new Wolverine movie on Tuesday. YES!!! =D
Talk to ya'all later.
I just did... I still am under the impression that I am not the best person to be around most of the time, and I'm not a good influence for the younger crowd, but why let that drag my life down?
I remember when I had so much control of my mind and my emotions I wasn't afraid to interact with any one because I knew that if a situation came up, I could handle it. I still know I can handle anything that arises, I just haven't been wanting to get into those situations. But for those who know me, one of my philosophies is that "Conflict brings about Growth". How do you grow without conflict? You can't. Therefore by staying out of conflict, I'm not growing socially. not that I particularly want to grow socially, but your social growth effects your personal growth, so where does that leave me?
So that's my latest words of wisdom. srry, wisdom is kinda an extreme overstatement.
I don't really have much to offer as to personal updates, Graduation is June 1st, I'm prob gonna fail my HEalth and US Gov classes, but I'm not sure if I really care.
I'm planning to go see the new Wolverine movie on Tuesday. YES!!! =D
Talk to ya'all later.
Josh's List of Quotes (Updated periodically)
-“If you build a house on a foundation, then try to move the foundation, won’t the house collapse?
What about when you build a Nation on a foundation?”
-“Don’t count your eggs before some have cracked.”
-“God isn’t just my rock, He’s my Rock ‘n’ Roll!”
-“Smile, the world doesn’t end ‘till tomorrow.”
-“Where would the world be without Tequila?”
-“To walk your own path is to walk alone.”
-“To tell your story is to tell it to an audience that doesn’t listen.”
-“A mask is like a gun, or a sharp two-edged sword: they can hurt you as much as protect you.”
-“When Life has you down, just remember that you must first be lost to be found.”
-"There are some people who you need to hold onto forever, and then there are people who hold onto you. The question is if you really could live without either."
What about when you build a Nation on a foundation?”
-“Don’t count your eggs before some have cracked.”
-“God isn’t just my rock, He’s my Rock ‘n’ Roll!”
-“Smile, the world doesn’t end ‘till tomorrow.”
-“Where would the world be without Tequila?”
-“To walk your own path is to walk alone.”
-“To tell your story is to tell it to an audience that doesn’t listen.”
-“A mask is like a gun, or a sharp two-edged sword: they can hurt you as much as protect you.”
-“When Life has you down, just remember that you must first be lost to be found.”
-"There are some people who you need to hold onto forever, and then there are people who hold onto you. The question is if you really could live without either."
April 30, 2009
Pessimism the best policy?
"Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that is was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of this world would become pessimists: the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic." (C.S. Lewis: God in the Dock)
I've been reading CS Lewis' collection of essays, "God in the Dock". The quote I cited above surprised me. That is the first time I have heard someone of Lewis' status and influence agree with my view and actually present and argument for it. It does make me feel a bit better about my normal dismal view of Life.
My normal argument for my view is the fact that if you expect the worst, then it won't surprise you when it happens. But if you hold a bright and sunny view of life, when the rain and storm clouds come along they will fall farther and harder. It's the whole "Those who are braced for impact won't go through the windshield" idea.
I just thought this was worth sharing, and maybe even thinking about.
I've been reading CS Lewis' collection of essays, "God in the Dock". The quote I cited above surprised me. That is the first time I have heard someone of Lewis' status and influence agree with my view and actually present and argument for it. It does make me feel a bit better about my normal dismal view of Life.
My normal argument for my view is the fact that if you expect the worst, then it won't surprise you when it happens. But if you hold a bright and sunny view of life, when the rain and storm clouds come along they will fall farther and harder. It's the whole "Those who are braced for impact won't go through the windshield" idea.
I just thought this was worth sharing, and maybe even thinking about.
April 29, 2009
Alone? Me? Well... yeah....
Did I ever mention I hate myself? I do. Or, I hate the way I am, or the way I act... I dunno. It's easier to just say I hate me. People say I'm a great kid, I have a ton of great talents and all that, and they are right. But what about all my bad qualities they overlook? I'm a rebel, an occasional sociopath, a bad influence, and a false extrovert. Good talents are useless when given to a bad person.
For those of you who interact with me on a regular basis, you might have either heard or even filled out an e-mail quiz I sent out. Well, I kinda messed up and overstepped my boundaries with that and had some questions on there that were completely over the line, and I'm sorry for those who were offended. But that incident has reaffirmed my belief in my own bad influence on others.
I don't know if it was because the quiz thing was the last straw or what, but one girl from my co-op asked me to take her e-mail off my contact list and to not e-mail her anymore. I don't blame her, we never really got along.
I am also asking the other 3 people who interact with me the most to stop. this hurts the most. One of the ones is a girl I kind have had a thing for (even though I have never planned to act on my feelings), and she is also one of the people who talks to me the most. But best for her to stay away from me.
I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this. Did I ever mention I hate myself?
For those of you who interact with me on a regular basis, you might have either heard or even filled out an e-mail quiz I sent out. Well, I kinda messed up and overstepped my boundaries with that and had some questions on there that were completely over the line, and I'm sorry for those who were offended. But that incident has reaffirmed my belief in my own bad influence on others.
I don't know if it was because the quiz thing was the last straw or what, but one girl from my co-op asked me to take her e-mail off my contact list and to not e-mail her anymore. I don't blame her, we never really got along.
I am also asking the other 3 people who interact with me the most to stop. this hurts the most. One of the ones is a girl I kind have had a thing for (even though I have never planned to act on my feelings), and she is also one of the people who talks to me the most. But best for her to stay away from me.
I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this. Did I ever mention I hate myself?
April 20, 2009
Scribe's Club
Ok, I have a Yahoo Group called the "Scribe's Club". It is for writers who want to be able to collaborate with other writers and get advice on stories, writing styles and techniques, characters, etc.
The only thing is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
The only thing is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
Scribe's Club
Ok, I have a Yahoo Group called the "Scribe's Club". It is for writers who want to be able to collaborate with other writers and get advice on stories, writing styles and techniques, characters, etc.
The only thin is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
The only thin is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
April 15, 2009
Ha, I'm Crazy xD
Heh, I have that feeling you get when you've had almost to much alcohol (don't ask how or when I know this >.< ). You feel kinda dazed, your emotions are all over the place, you feel like you are walking through a horrible combination of dreaming and reality. Ever feel like that? I seem to be like that a lot....
My emotions are dead, my mind is numb... functioning, I can think as clearly as any other day, but my mind is still numb. Am I crashing? Or is this just another phase I'm going through? I mean, I've been like this before, a while back.... and I will prob pull out (I always do). But it still scares me when I get like this. And it is times like this that make me keep myself separated from other people.
Pray for me?
My emotions are dead, my mind is numb... functioning, I can think as clearly as any other day, but my mind is still numb. Am I crashing? Or is this just another phase I'm going through? I mean, I've been like this before, a while back.... and I will prob pull out (I always do). But it still scares me when I get like this. And it is times like this that make me keep myself separated from other people.
Pray for me?
April 14, 2009
Frustrations...
I was just reading back over a few of my friends blogs (Alex and Jesse's blogs esp) and I just started getting all mad and sad and frustrated at the same time. I am alone in my life. I don't have friends who I keep up with or who keep up with me, I don't have any close friends or anything.. and I hate it.
and my problem is that I don't know what bothers me more, the fact I don't have anyone to talk to and keep up with, or I don't have anyone to go to when I'm in a bad state.
and my problem is that I don't know what bothers me more, the fact I don't have anyone to talk to and keep up with, or I don't have anyone to go to when I'm in a bad state.
April 13, 2009
Ramblings of a Deranged Mind (4/13/09)
Just to warn you, this next little while is going to be me yelling and screaming about how life sux and doesn't make sense and all that other fun crap. 'K? 'K.
*Warning: Minor Expletives In Use*
The first thing I want to say is "Damn Society and all it's social rules"! I mean, there is no one in my area to talk to. Guys are always like "Uh-huh... *emotional confusion* I don't know what to say man..." ; and it seems to most people that it is "inappropriate" or something for a guy to have a deep intimate conversation with a girl who is not his gf. COME ON! We already are controlled by the number of minutes on our cell phones, our bandwidth, the speed of our internet or internet provider, and we can't even talk to each other in person because it is either "to personal" or it is "inappropriate". No wonder we have to many kids cutting and on the verge of suicide, because all their problems won't fit in a text and it is "socially unacceptable" to talk in person! DAMN IT! >.<
And what's with all this pressure to grow up!? Don't parents want their kids to stick around? Oh, no, it's because families that live together in harmony is "socially unacceptable" in America. I mean, God forbid families stay together past the oldest kids get into a college!
I was reading a book on getting into the TV Show writing industry, and the one thing the guy stressed was "networking" and making and maintaining business-related friendships. Well how do you expect people to network and get connections in this communicational Hell we call America!? No wonder it's so hard to get into the industry.
And things like Facebook, Myspace, FaithFreaks, Yahoo Profiles, etc. There are so many ways to "connect" and "network", but you still might as well look at the guy's driver's license. It gives you more pertinent information.
I have to go eat lunch. I'll prob post more later.
*Warning: Minor Expletives In Use*
The first thing I want to say is "Damn Society and all it's social rules"! I mean, there is no one in my area to talk to. Guys are always like "Uh-huh... *emotional confusion* I don't know what to say man..." ; and it seems to most people that it is "inappropriate" or something for a guy to have a deep intimate conversation with a girl who is not his gf. COME ON! We already are controlled by the number of minutes on our cell phones, our bandwidth, the speed of our internet or internet provider, and we can't even talk to each other in person because it is either "to personal" or it is "inappropriate". No wonder we have to many kids cutting and on the verge of suicide, because all their problems won't fit in a text and it is "socially unacceptable" to talk in person! DAMN IT! >.<
And what's with all this pressure to grow up!? Don't parents want their kids to stick around? Oh, no, it's because families that live together in harmony is "socially unacceptable" in America. I mean, God forbid families stay together past the oldest kids get into a college!
I was reading a book on getting into the TV Show writing industry, and the one thing the guy stressed was "networking" and making and maintaining business-related friendships. Well how do you expect people to network and get connections in this communicational Hell we call America!? No wonder it's so hard to get into the industry.
And things like Facebook, Myspace, FaithFreaks, Yahoo Profiles, etc. There are so many ways to "connect" and "network", but you still might as well look at the guy's driver's license. It gives you more pertinent information.
I have to go eat lunch. I'll prob post more later.
April 9, 2009
My Testimony
So one of the Youth Outreach things I just got involved in gave me this form about my testimony to fill out. I thought it might be a good idea to share the questions and answers with whoever still bothers to read my blog. So here yah go, enjoy, and please, just take my life as an example, not an excuse to send me an e-mail saying "You poor thing, I'm so sorry for you."
Thanx, here yah go.
1. WHEN DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Age and date?
I first did it when I was like 4, I don’t remember the exact date. The second time I was about 14. That was more of a gradual process, so there isn’t an exact date there either.
2. WHERE DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Location and setting?
First time was on the floor in my bedroom of our old apartment in Portland. The second, as I said, was kind of gradual and there was no real defining line.
3. DID SOMEONE ASSIST YOU IN YOUR CONVERSION? Who…name, title and relationship to you-history.
The first time it was my mom and dad.
The second time around I had no one but God and the angels as witnesses and guides.
4. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENNED? Tell the story of the actual experience.
The first time I simply walked up to my mom and dad and said something like “I want Jesus in my heart”. So we prayed, and everything was fine until I turned about 10 and started asking questions about “Who is God” and “How did He do that?” and “That isn’t possible, is it?”. I spent the next 2 years (2001-02) as an atheist, and the year after that looking for a faith. I had discovered that you really can’t live without anything to believe in (at least, not if you are completely honest with yourself), so I spent 2003 studying everything from Islam to Hinduism to Zen looking for something to believe in. Finally in ‘o4 I took another look at the Bible. Deciding I couldn’t make an informed decision based on the spiritual side, I turned to the historical aspects. I spent 2004-05 studying the history in the Bible and proved the historical data ~75% proven, ~25% unproven, and 0% Proven false. Since then God has been revealing the spiritual truths to me as I go along.
5. WHAT WAS YOUR LIFE LIKE BEFORE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Morally, spiritually, socially, mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally and circumstantially/situationally are a few areas to address.
I don’t remember much before my first conversion. During my “Atheist Years” though I was cold, detached, I swore, I was suicidal, and I basically had no reason to live and no desire to either.
6. HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED SINCE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART?
Well, because of the way I came to Christ the 2nd time, my views on what is right/wrong are different than some people. Especially when it comes to things like alcohol, music and movies. Because I toughed those years out alone (I was on bad terms with the ‘rents, didn’t go to church, had no friends, so no backup or support) I am a bit of a loner. You can ask me how I’m feeling and I’ll tell you with a smiling face that I am great and I might be going through my own personal Hell inside. I also have an insider’s view on a lot of the pain people go through, so it is easy for me to relate and counsel people who are struggling. I believe God put me here to help and comfort others, but to get my comfort from Him.
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LIFE VERSE AND WHY?
Luke 12:23 (New International Version)
23- Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New International Version)
3- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
8. DID SOMEONE SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION WITH YOU? DID THEY USE BIBLE VERSES? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION? BY MEMORY? WITH BIBLE VERSES?
Nope. God was my witness.
Thanx, here yah go.
1. WHEN DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Age and date?
I first did it when I was like 4, I don’t remember the exact date. The second time I was about 14. That was more of a gradual process, so there isn’t an exact date there either.
2. WHERE DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Location and setting?
First time was on the floor in my bedroom of our old apartment in Portland. The second, as I said, was kind of gradual and there was no real defining line.
3. DID SOMEONE ASSIST YOU IN YOUR CONVERSION? Who…name, title and relationship to you-history.
The first time it was my mom and dad.
The second time around I had no one but God and the angels as witnesses and guides.
4. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENNED? Tell the story of the actual experience.
The first time I simply walked up to my mom and dad and said something like “I want Jesus in my heart”. So we prayed, and everything was fine until I turned about 10 and started asking questions about “Who is God” and “How did He do that?” and “That isn’t possible, is it?”. I spent the next 2 years (2001-02) as an atheist, and the year after that looking for a faith. I had discovered that you really can’t live without anything to believe in (at least, not if you are completely honest with yourself), so I spent 2003 studying everything from Islam to Hinduism to Zen looking for something to believe in. Finally in ‘o4 I took another look at the Bible. Deciding I couldn’t make an informed decision based on the spiritual side, I turned to the historical aspects. I spent 2004-05 studying the history in the Bible and proved the historical data ~75% proven, ~25% unproven, and 0% Proven false. Since then God has been revealing the spiritual truths to me as I go along.
5. WHAT WAS YOUR LIFE LIKE BEFORE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Morally, spiritually, socially, mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally and circumstantially/situationally are a few areas to address.
I don’t remember much before my first conversion. During my “Atheist Years” though I was cold, detached, I swore, I was suicidal, and I basically had no reason to live and no desire to either.
6. HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED SINCE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART?
Well, because of the way I came to Christ the 2nd time, my views on what is right/wrong are different than some people. Especially when it comes to things like alcohol, music and movies. Because I toughed those years out alone (I was on bad terms with the ‘rents, didn’t go to church, had no friends, so no backup or support) I am a bit of a loner. You can ask me how I’m feeling and I’ll tell you with a smiling face that I am great and I might be going through my own personal Hell inside. I also have an insider’s view on a lot of the pain people go through, so it is easy for me to relate and counsel people who are struggling. I believe God put me here to help and comfort others, but to get my comfort from Him.
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LIFE VERSE AND WHY?
Luke 12:23 (New International Version)
23- Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New International Version)
3- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
8. DID SOMEONE SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION WITH YOU? DID THEY USE BIBLE VERSES? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION? BY MEMORY? WITH BIBLE VERSES?
Nope. God was my witness.
April 4, 2009
"Thoughts of a Deranged Mind" (Update 4/4/09)
There actually isn't much to update, I just need to rant a bit. Do you mind? You don't have to read anymore if you do.
{Warning: Minor language used in following post. Do not be alarmed, English is the author's native language.}
Well, I figured I might put some more personal stuff in here. I mean, not many people actually read this thing, right? I gave Jane the link a while back and when I asked her if she red it recently the other day she said she hasn't read it for a few months. And either I have less goo friends then I thought or they aren't reading this, 'cause I think (though I might be wrong) that few people in particular would like E-mail me or talk to me at CH about whats going on in my life. Not htat I'm complaining, I'm just stating what I see.
So anyways.... Life is seeming kinda pointless right now. I don't know where I want to go.... wait, nvm, I don't know how to get to where I want to go, or even if getting there is possible for me. I want to get a double-major in Music and Writing, and then write books and/or comics and/or TV or movie scripts; and then do some music gigs and recording along the side (unless I can make it big with music, then its Nashville for this crazy 6-string player =) ). But to major in music at most colleges you need to have taken a stringed orchestral instrument, and/or piano. I've had half a year of piano, and the only stringed instruments I have ever played are 6-string and 12-string guitars and 4-string bass. So unless I get lucky I'm kinda skrewed there. I probably have a chance with Writing though.
So ten there is the whole Job/Drivers License thing. I'm 18, I don't have my permit, I've failed 6 drivers tests trying to get the stupid thing, and it's driving me crazy! And I need a job at some point to, which I'm not so worried about... yet.
And then there is the fact that I'm over half a year behind on my Health, US Gov, and Literature. I don't think I can make it!
Excuse me a minute: (@$%&*^#&$@*&$^#&@*~`*&#^$%":@#$%666;@#$%!!!)
Ok... I'm, OK.
The last thing is Lexy. As you know, I am officially 100% single, and not looking for anyone new and not planning to look for anyone new until God puts someone in front of me or Kingdom Come. But for the last couple months, she has been my Reason. I mean, why was I going to college? So I could marry her and be able to support her. Why was I struggling so hard not to snap at my parents? Because if I did, they wouldn't let me go visit her. Why was I saving up money and not buying stuff for my guitars? So I would be able to take her out when I did visit her. Why was I not letting myself go crazy with all my frustration? Because someone had to be strong for her. now she gone, and I don't need to be as strong. I can snap if I want, I can let it all go and go be insane and crazy and not give a dang about the rest of the world and it's crappy problems. But I don't want to. Problem is, I don't know how long I can stay strong and collected. And in the process of staying strong and collected, will I become that cold, emotionless person I am so afraid of becoming?
So, the whole point I guess is that, considering that this all mens nothing in heaven, it seems alot of stress and work for nothing. So I'm kinda looking for motive to go on, and I'm not finding it.
{Warning: Minor language used in following post. Do not be alarmed, English is the author's native language.}
Well, I figured I might put some more personal stuff in here. I mean, not many people actually read this thing, right? I gave Jane the link a while back and when I asked her if she red it recently the other day she said she hasn't read it for a few months. And either I have less goo friends then I thought or they aren't reading this, 'cause I think (though I might be wrong) that few people in particular would like E-mail me or talk to me at CH about whats going on in my life. Not htat I'm complaining, I'm just stating what I see.
So anyways.... Life is seeming kinda pointless right now. I don't know where I want to go.... wait, nvm, I don't know how to get to where I want to go, or even if getting there is possible for me. I want to get a double-major in Music and Writing, and then write books and/or comics and/or TV or movie scripts; and then do some music gigs and recording along the side (unless I can make it big with music, then its Nashville for this crazy 6-string player =) ). But to major in music at most colleges you need to have taken a stringed orchestral instrument, and/or piano. I've had half a year of piano, and the only stringed instruments I have ever played are 6-string and 12-string guitars and 4-string bass. So unless I get lucky I'm kinda skrewed there. I probably have a chance with Writing though.
So ten there is the whole Job/Drivers License thing. I'm 18, I don't have my permit, I've failed 6 drivers tests trying to get the stupid thing, and it's driving me crazy! And I need a job at some point to, which I'm not so worried about... yet.
And then there is the fact that I'm over half a year behind on my Health, US Gov, and Literature. I don't think I can make it!
Excuse me a minute: (@$%&*^#&$@*&$^#&@*~`*&#^$%":@#$%666;@#$%!!!)
Ok... I'm, OK.
The last thing is Lexy. As you know, I am officially 100% single, and not looking for anyone new and not planning to look for anyone new until God puts someone in front of me or Kingdom Come. But for the last couple months, she has been my Reason. I mean, why was I going to college? So I could marry her and be able to support her. Why was I struggling so hard not to snap at my parents? Because if I did, they wouldn't let me go visit her. Why was I saving up money and not buying stuff for my guitars? So I would be able to take her out when I did visit her. Why was I not letting myself go crazy with all my frustration? Because someone had to be strong for her. now she gone, and I don't need to be as strong. I can snap if I want, I can let it all go and go be insane and crazy and not give a dang about the rest of the world and it's crappy problems. But I don't want to. Problem is, I don't know how long I can stay strong and collected. And in the process of staying strong and collected, will I become that cold, emotionless person I am so afraid of becoming?
So, the whole point I guess is that, considering that this all mens nothing in heaven, it seems alot of stress and work for nothing. So I'm kinda looking for motive to go on, and I'm not finding it.
March 30, 2009
Update 3/30/09
Life Sucks. Thats a fact. And the only time it will not suck is when we can live in perfect harmony with ourselves and God in
His Everlasting Kingdom. Some might say (sarcastically of course) "Wow, that's encouraging", But I actually do find it encouraging. I mean think about it; Why should we have to live through this world or pain, sorrow, suffering, betrayal, murder, if there is no reward for us in the end? If you look at it like that, then take God out of the equation, I think you'll start to see why so many commit suicide. When you have nothing to live for, there is no point to go on. And if you have to go through so much, why bother trying?
Anyways, to get on with my update:
On 3/4/09 I had a seizure and lost all my short-term memory from midday 3/1 to morning of 3/5. On 3/5 I went in to the hospital and got a CAT scan and blood test and a few other tests. They have no idea what happened. My bloodsugar at the time was around 34, so my diabetes doctor thinks that I went low when I was sleeping and my brain crashed. I normally would have woken up (I do all the other times I go that low when I'm asleep), so my personal theory is that I had one of my bad Brainstorm headaches, was unconscious, and my bloodsugar shot down. and, since I was unconscious, my normal warning systems for low bloodsugars was inactive. So anyways, now I have a gap of 3 1/2 days I can't remember, and trying can best be describes as "Thinking over broken glass". Sounds like fun? Try it, it feels even better.
Lexy has officially left me. I couldn't make it to MN for Spring Break, and I guess that was the last straw for her. She needed someone who she could at least see in person every once in a while, and I just didn't meet the bill. Besides, she had the same problem Aiching had with me, she couldn't get into my head and understand half the things I was thinking. When you are that cut off, it is kinda hard to maintain a close relationship. I don't really blame her.
So, based on data collected during my time with Aiching and Lexy, and from observations made of other couples (both successful ones and failed ones), I have decided I am not cut out for dating. I cannot let people in enough to actually have a romantic relationship with someone. So from now on, consider me a weird cross between the apostle Paul and James Bond. God led Paul to not get married, and for now that is what I'll stick with. But that doesn't mean I can't flirt around and have some fun (just no taking them to bed like Bond was so fond of doing).
Anyways, what else is new... Oh, I got an old Dell laptop from Jacob. It works pretty well, even though the keyboard is kinda touchy and it runs loud and sometimes kinda slow. But it is nice anyways.
So... until next time, Good Luck and God Bless.
His Everlasting Kingdom. Some might say (sarcastically of course) "Wow, that's encouraging", But I actually do find it encouraging. I mean think about it; Why should we have to live through this world or pain, sorrow, suffering, betrayal, murder, if there is no reward for us in the end? If you look at it like that, then take God out of the equation, I think you'll start to see why so many commit suicide. When you have nothing to live for, there is no point to go on. And if you have to go through so much, why bother trying?
Anyways, to get on with my update:
On 3/4/09 I had a seizure and lost all my short-term memory from midday 3/1 to morning of 3/5. On 3/5 I went in to the hospital and got a CAT scan and blood test and a few other tests. They have no idea what happened. My bloodsugar at the time was around 34, so my diabetes doctor thinks that I went low when I was sleeping and my brain crashed. I normally would have woken up (I do all the other times I go that low when I'm asleep), so my personal theory is that I had one of my bad Brainstorm headaches, was unconscious, and my bloodsugar shot down. and, since I was unconscious, my normal warning systems for low bloodsugars was inactive. So anyways, now I have a gap of 3 1/2 days I can't remember, and trying can best be describes as "Thinking over broken glass". Sounds like fun? Try it, it feels even better.
Lexy has officially left me. I couldn't make it to MN for Spring Break, and I guess that was the last straw for her. She needed someone who she could at least see in person every once in a while, and I just didn't meet the bill. Besides, she had the same problem Aiching had with me, she couldn't get into my head and understand half the things I was thinking. When you are that cut off, it is kinda hard to maintain a close relationship. I don't really blame her.
So, based on data collected during my time with Aiching and Lexy, and from observations made of other couples (both successful ones and failed ones), I have decided I am not cut out for dating. I cannot let people in enough to actually have a romantic relationship with someone. So from now on, consider me a weird cross between the apostle Paul and James Bond. God led Paul to not get married, and for now that is what I'll stick with. But that doesn't mean I can't flirt around and have some fun (just no taking them to bed like Bond was so fond of doing).
Anyways, what else is new... Oh, I got an old Dell laptop from Jacob. It works pretty well, even though the keyboard is kinda touchy and it runs loud and sometimes kinda slow. But it is nice anyways.
So... until next time, Good Luck and God Bless.
February 26, 2009
Update 2/26/08
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." (Dickens)
That about describes my life right now. So, for those of yo who don't know, me and Lexy are temporarily "broken up". She was in Memphis for a music gig and had a bit of an emotional breakdown. She decided that it is safer for both of us if we aren't a "couple" for a while because she feels it is more than I should have to go through just for her. What she doesn't seem to get is that I will, would, and have gone through my own personal Hells for her. To quote Bon Jovi's song 'Always': "If yo asked me to die for you, I would." She also doesn't seem to understand that it hurts me more to be separate from her while she is have ing such a hard time than it does for me to walk with her through whatever she is going through.
Anyways... On a more upbeat note, I've seen a bit more, I dunno, caring? from some of the Connect High people. Tabitha actually E-mailed me )of her own accord) to ask if I was Ok and see if she could help with anything. And me and Jane have been trading E-mails for a while. Chris has also asked if I am Ok and stuff, but I think he is a bit unsure of what to do and say, so he doesn't ask too much.
Colin is really down about something though. He says it has to do with not being able to do much with CH anymore because of baseball, but I don't think that's all of it.
Oh, and I failed my Permit test, for the 5th time. And me and Dad have had enough arguments to last the Senate a few decades.
and I've managed to maintain fairly emotionless throughout most of the days, but that isn't really a good thing.
But, I'm working of picking my life up and getting on with it. So until laterz, Bye People!
That about describes my life right now. So, for those of yo who don't know, me and Lexy are temporarily "broken up". She was in Memphis for a music gig and had a bit of an emotional breakdown. She decided that it is safer for both of us if we aren't a "couple" for a while because she feels it is more than I should have to go through just for her. What she doesn't seem to get is that I will, would, and have gone through my own personal Hells for her. To quote Bon Jovi's song 'Always': "If yo asked me to die for you, I would." She also doesn't seem to understand that it hurts me more to be separate from her while she is have ing such a hard time than it does for me to walk with her through whatever she is going through.
Anyways... On a more upbeat note, I've seen a bit more, I dunno, caring? from some of the Connect High people. Tabitha actually E-mailed me )of her own accord) to ask if I was Ok and see if she could help with anything. And me and Jane have been trading E-mails for a while. Chris has also asked if I am Ok and stuff, but I think he is a bit unsure of what to do and say, so he doesn't ask too much.
Colin is really down about something though. He says it has to do with not being able to do much with CH anymore because of baseball, but I don't think that's all of it.
Oh, and I failed my Permit test, for the 5th time. And me and Dad have had enough arguments to last the Senate a few decades.
and I've managed to maintain fairly emotionless throughout most of the days, but that isn't really a good thing.
But, I'm working of picking my life up and getting on with it. So until laterz, Bye People!
February 15, 2009
Update 2/15/09
I have made the decision to not give prayer requests at places like small groups, LINKS class, sunday school, or in similar settings. My reasons are as follows:
1) My requests are normally personal and in-depth, and while I don't care about the personal part, the in-depth part makes it so they take longer to explain than actually pray for, and I know some people get bored and disinterested..
2) People should want to know what I need prayer for, not be required to listen to me talk about how crappy my life is and how I want God to fix it.
3) it is more important I pray for them than they pray for me.
and the last important one I have:
4) I don't "need" prayer. I need companionship and friendship more than prayer normally.
Anyways... I don't know if my choice was the right one or what, but I hope that people will notice and ask me and I can by example cause people to rethink their opinions and views of Prayer.
On to other News:
Valentines day was yesterday, I sent a Val to 3 people, 2 have gotten them, Emma and Lexy, but Alex hasn't said anything about her getting one yet. Emma came back and yelled at me =P I guess she didn't want one this year. I sent Lexy a necklace I got in New Zealand, she loved that and swears she is not going to take it off =P (I think it's cause she can't figure out how though, and I have already told her I think that ;) ). Alex... I have to wait for a response from her =P
Other that that, I got to use a chainsaw yesterday, and fell in love =) but... I almost took my leg off (don't tell my dad)...
Anyways... I guess I'll update when I can, ttyl!
1) My requests are normally personal and in-depth, and while I don't care about the personal part, the in-depth part makes it so they take longer to explain than actually pray for, and I know some people get bored and disinterested..
2) People should want to know what I need prayer for, not be required to listen to me talk about how crappy my life is and how I want God to fix it.
3) it is more important I pray for them than they pray for me.
and the last important one I have:
4) I don't "need" prayer. I need companionship and friendship more than prayer normally.
Anyways... I don't know if my choice was the right one or what, but I hope that people will notice and ask me and I can by example cause people to rethink their opinions and views of Prayer.
On to other News:
Valentines day was yesterday, I sent a Val to 3 people, 2 have gotten them, Emma and Lexy, but Alex hasn't said anything about her getting one yet. Emma came back and yelled at me =P I guess she didn't want one this year. I sent Lexy a necklace I got in New Zealand, she loved that and swears she is not going to take it off =P (I think it's cause she can't figure out how though, and I have already told her I think that ;) ). Alex... I have to wait for a response from her =P
Other that that, I got to use a chainsaw yesterday, and fell in love =) but... I almost took my leg off (don't tell my dad)...
Anyways... I guess I'll update when I can, ttyl!
February 5, 2009
Update 2/5/09
Wow.. when was the last time I updated this thing? Long ways back, huh...
Well, to update all you people (or... all few of you people...), Life has been really stressful, frustrating, yet insightful at the same time.
With Graduation coming up fast, the questions of "Where do I go to College?" and "What do I do for a living, how do I do it?" have really hit hard. I still don't know on either, but they have been haunting me long enough I've managed to finally ignore them for the time being =P
Driving has been going about the speed of Dale Earnheart's race car... without the engine. But, I need to get my permit before end of February, so I'll find some way to pull this stunt off.
The reason I need to do it by end of Feb. is I'm suppose to go to MN to see Lexy during Spring Break. And my dad said I can't go until I get my permit.
Speaking of my dad, we have been getting along ok.. except he's put an hour time limit on my internet time, which ticks me off. I need to talk to people, and the only time I really get that chance is online. and an hour isn't enough to have a meaningful conversation with anybody.
School is good, all A's and B's. Nothing really new there.
Besides that, I've been delving deeper into who I am and what I believe. I have known for ever that I am dark and cynical. But I have recently realized that is isn't really a bad thing, my 'darkness' is more of a perspective other people see me from when they compare me to normal people. The way I see it is as follows:
"Say you see a ray of sunlight coming through the roof of a building. It makes you fell happy inside, you feel glad for the sunlight. Then, as you get closer to the source, yo realize that the light comes from a large electric light. Can you really see the light as sunlight anymore? Now that you know the truth behind the illusion, can you really think of it as you had before you knew the truth?"
I've seen the electric light behind so many "rays of sunshine", I don't see the world like other people do. It isn't that I am dark, I just am darker than other people.
Now I just have to figure out why I am always questioning people's good intentions towards me. Like when someone says they trust me, I ask why. If someone says I am interesting to talk to, I ask why. But why do I ask why? Is it because I want to know what people see in me? Is it because I am trying to use the Socratic method to get them to rethink their position about me? I don't know.. but maybe I will. Someday...
Well, to update all you people (or... all few of you people...), Life has been really stressful, frustrating, yet insightful at the same time.
With Graduation coming up fast, the questions of "Where do I go to College?" and "What do I do for a living, how do I do it?" have really hit hard. I still don't know on either, but they have been haunting me long enough I've managed to finally ignore them for the time being =P
Driving has been going about the speed of Dale Earnheart's race car... without the engine. But, I need to get my permit before end of February, so I'll find some way to pull this stunt off.
The reason I need to do it by end of Feb. is I'm suppose to go to MN to see Lexy during Spring Break. And my dad said I can't go until I get my permit.
Speaking of my dad, we have been getting along ok.. except he's put an hour time limit on my internet time, which ticks me off. I need to talk to people, and the only time I really get that chance is online. and an hour isn't enough to have a meaningful conversation with anybody.
School is good, all A's and B's. Nothing really new there.
Besides that, I've been delving deeper into who I am and what I believe. I have known for ever that I am dark and cynical. But I have recently realized that is isn't really a bad thing, my 'darkness' is more of a perspective other people see me from when they compare me to normal people. The way I see it is as follows:
"Say you see a ray of sunlight coming through the roof of a building. It makes you fell happy inside, you feel glad for the sunlight. Then, as you get closer to the source, yo realize that the light comes from a large electric light. Can you really see the light as sunlight anymore? Now that you know the truth behind the illusion, can you really think of it as you had before you knew the truth?"
I've seen the electric light behind so many "rays of sunshine", I don't see the world like other people do. It isn't that I am dark, I just am darker than other people.
Now I just have to figure out why I am always questioning people's good intentions towards me. Like when someone says they trust me, I ask why. If someone says I am interesting to talk to, I ask why. But why do I ask why? Is it because I want to know what people see in me? Is it because I am trying to use the Socratic method to get them to rethink their position about me? I don't know.. but maybe I will. Someday...
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