Update 2/5/09

Wow.. when was the last time I updated this thing? Long ways back, huh...

Well, to update all you people (or... all few of you people...), Life has been really stressful, frustrating, yet insightful at the same time.
With Graduation coming up fast, the questions of "Where do I go to College?" and "What do I do for a living, how do I do it?" have really hit hard. I still don't know on either, but they have been haunting me long enough I've managed to finally ignore them for the time being =P
Driving has been going about the speed of Dale Earnheart's race car... without the engine. But, I need to get my permit before end of February, so I'll find some way to pull this stunt off.
The reason I need to do it by end of Feb. is I'm suppose to go to MN to see Lexy during Spring Break. And my dad said I can't go until I get my permit.
Speaking of my dad, we have been getting along ok.. except he's put an hour time limit on my internet time, which ticks me off. I need to talk to people, and the only time I really get that chance is online. and an hour isn't enough to have a meaningful conversation with anybody.
School is good, all A's and B's. Nothing really new there.

Besides that, I've been delving deeper into who I am and what I believe. I have known for ever that I am dark and cynical. But I have recently realized that is isn't really a bad thing, my 'darkness' is more of a perspective other people see me from when they compare me to normal people. The way I see it is as follows:
"Say you see a ray of sunlight coming through the roof of a building. It makes you fell happy inside, you feel glad for the sunlight. Then, as you get closer to the source, yo realize that the light comes from a large electric light. Can you really see the light as sunlight anymore? Now that you know the truth behind the illusion, can you really think of it as you had before you knew the truth?"
I've seen the electric light behind so many "rays of sunshine", I don't see the world like other people do. It isn't that I am dark, I just am darker than other people.

Now I just have to figure out why I am always questioning people's good intentions towards me. Like when someone says they trust me, I ask why. If someone says I am interesting to talk to, I ask why. But why do I ask why? Is it because I want to know what people see in me? Is it because I am trying to use the Socratic method to get them to rethink their position about me? I don't know.. but maybe I will. Someday...