"Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that is was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of this world would become pessimists: the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic." (C.S. Lewis: God in the Dock)
I've been reading CS Lewis' collection of essays, "God in the Dock". The quote I cited above surprised me. That is the first time I have heard someone of Lewis' status and influence agree with my view and actually present and argument for it. It does make me feel a bit better about my normal dismal view of Life.
My normal argument for my view is the fact that if you expect the worst, then it won't surprise you when it happens. But if you hold a bright and sunny view of life, when the rain and storm clouds come along they will fall farther and harder. It's the whole "Those who are braced for impact won't go through the windshield" idea.
I just thought this was worth sharing, and maybe even thinking about.
April 30, 2009
April 29, 2009
Alone? Me? Well... yeah....
Did I ever mention I hate myself? I do. Or, I hate the way I am, or the way I act... I dunno. It's easier to just say I hate me. People say I'm a great kid, I have a ton of great talents and all that, and they are right. But what about all my bad qualities they overlook? I'm a rebel, an occasional sociopath, a bad influence, and a false extrovert. Good talents are useless when given to a bad person.
For those of you who interact with me on a regular basis, you might have either heard or even filled out an e-mail quiz I sent out. Well, I kinda messed up and overstepped my boundaries with that and had some questions on there that were completely over the line, and I'm sorry for those who were offended. But that incident has reaffirmed my belief in my own bad influence on others.
I don't know if it was because the quiz thing was the last straw or what, but one girl from my co-op asked me to take her e-mail off my contact list and to not e-mail her anymore. I don't blame her, we never really got along.
I am also asking the other 3 people who interact with me the most to stop. this hurts the most. One of the ones is a girl I kind have had a thing for (even though I have never planned to act on my feelings), and she is also one of the people who talks to me the most. But best for her to stay away from me.
I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this. Did I ever mention I hate myself?
For those of you who interact with me on a regular basis, you might have either heard or even filled out an e-mail quiz I sent out. Well, I kinda messed up and overstepped my boundaries with that and had some questions on there that were completely over the line, and I'm sorry for those who were offended. But that incident has reaffirmed my belief in my own bad influence on others.
I don't know if it was because the quiz thing was the last straw or what, but one girl from my co-op asked me to take her e-mail off my contact list and to not e-mail her anymore. I don't blame her, we never really got along.
I am also asking the other 3 people who interact with me the most to stop. this hurts the most. One of the ones is a girl I kind have had a thing for (even though I have never planned to act on my feelings), and she is also one of the people who talks to me the most. But best for her to stay away from me.
I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this. Did I ever mention I hate myself?
April 20, 2009
Scribe's Club
Ok, I have a Yahoo Group called the "Scribe's Club". It is for writers who want to be able to collaborate with other writers and get advice on stories, writing styles and techniques, characters, etc.
The only thing is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
The only thing is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
Scribe's Club
Ok, I have a Yahoo Group called the "Scribe's Club". It is for writers who want to be able to collaborate with other writers and get advice on stories, writing styles and techniques, characters, etc.
The only thin is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
The only thin is it is by invitation only, so if anyone is interested then send me an E-mail at imjustjoshingya@yahoo.com with the subject of "Scribe's Club Application".
Send me a story plot or short story that you consider to be one of your best and, based on what I get, I'll send you an invitation to the Club.
FYI: Anything you send to me will be read by me and only me, there will be no copyright infringements or anything like that, so don't worry. And I'm not a spammer, once I get your E-mail you are not going to get a tone of junk mail and stuff like that =P
April 15, 2009
Ha, I'm Crazy xD
Heh, I have that feeling you get when you've had almost to much alcohol (don't ask how or when I know this >.< ). You feel kinda dazed, your emotions are all over the place, you feel like you are walking through a horrible combination of dreaming and reality. Ever feel like that? I seem to be like that a lot....
My emotions are dead, my mind is numb... functioning, I can think as clearly as any other day, but my mind is still numb. Am I crashing? Or is this just another phase I'm going through? I mean, I've been like this before, a while back.... and I will prob pull out (I always do). But it still scares me when I get like this. And it is times like this that make me keep myself separated from other people.
Pray for me?
My emotions are dead, my mind is numb... functioning, I can think as clearly as any other day, but my mind is still numb. Am I crashing? Or is this just another phase I'm going through? I mean, I've been like this before, a while back.... and I will prob pull out (I always do). But it still scares me when I get like this. And it is times like this that make me keep myself separated from other people.
Pray for me?
April 14, 2009
Frustrations...
I was just reading back over a few of my friends blogs (Alex and Jesse's blogs esp) and I just started getting all mad and sad and frustrated at the same time. I am alone in my life. I don't have friends who I keep up with or who keep up with me, I don't have any close friends or anything.. and I hate it.
and my problem is that I don't know what bothers me more, the fact I don't have anyone to talk to and keep up with, or I don't have anyone to go to when I'm in a bad state.
and my problem is that I don't know what bothers me more, the fact I don't have anyone to talk to and keep up with, or I don't have anyone to go to when I'm in a bad state.
April 13, 2009
Ramblings of a Deranged Mind (4/13/09)
Just to warn you, this next little while is going to be me yelling and screaming about how life sux and doesn't make sense and all that other fun crap. 'K? 'K.
*Warning: Minor Expletives In Use*
The first thing I want to say is "Damn Society and all it's social rules"! I mean, there is no one in my area to talk to. Guys are always like "Uh-huh... *emotional confusion* I don't know what to say man..." ; and it seems to most people that it is "inappropriate" or something for a guy to have a deep intimate conversation with a girl who is not his gf. COME ON! We already are controlled by the number of minutes on our cell phones, our bandwidth, the speed of our internet or internet provider, and we can't even talk to each other in person because it is either "to personal" or it is "inappropriate". No wonder we have to many kids cutting and on the verge of suicide, because all their problems won't fit in a text and it is "socially unacceptable" to talk in person! DAMN IT! >.<
And what's with all this pressure to grow up!? Don't parents want their kids to stick around? Oh, no, it's because families that live together in harmony is "socially unacceptable" in America. I mean, God forbid families stay together past the oldest kids get into a college!
I was reading a book on getting into the TV Show writing industry, and the one thing the guy stressed was "networking" and making and maintaining business-related friendships. Well how do you expect people to network and get connections in this communicational Hell we call America!? No wonder it's so hard to get into the industry.
And things like Facebook, Myspace, FaithFreaks, Yahoo Profiles, etc. There are so many ways to "connect" and "network", but you still might as well look at the guy's driver's license. It gives you more pertinent information.
I have to go eat lunch. I'll prob post more later.
*Warning: Minor Expletives In Use*
The first thing I want to say is "Damn Society and all it's social rules"! I mean, there is no one in my area to talk to. Guys are always like "Uh-huh... *emotional confusion* I don't know what to say man..." ; and it seems to most people that it is "inappropriate" or something for a guy to have a deep intimate conversation with a girl who is not his gf. COME ON! We already are controlled by the number of minutes on our cell phones, our bandwidth, the speed of our internet or internet provider, and we can't even talk to each other in person because it is either "to personal" or it is "inappropriate". No wonder we have to many kids cutting and on the verge of suicide, because all their problems won't fit in a text and it is "socially unacceptable" to talk in person! DAMN IT! >.<
And what's with all this pressure to grow up!? Don't parents want their kids to stick around? Oh, no, it's because families that live together in harmony is "socially unacceptable" in America. I mean, God forbid families stay together past the oldest kids get into a college!
I was reading a book on getting into the TV Show writing industry, and the one thing the guy stressed was "networking" and making and maintaining business-related friendships. Well how do you expect people to network and get connections in this communicational Hell we call America!? No wonder it's so hard to get into the industry.
And things like Facebook, Myspace, FaithFreaks, Yahoo Profiles, etc. There are so many ways to "connect" and "network", but you still might as well look at the guy's driver's license. It gives you more pertinent information.
I have to go eat lunch. I'll prob post more later.
April 9, 2009
My Testimony
So one of the Youth Outreach things I just got involved in gave me this form about my testimony to fill out. I thought it might be a good idea to share the questions and answers with whoever still bothers to read my blog. So here yah go, enjoy, and please, just take my life as an example, not an excuse to send me an e-mail saying "You poor thing, I'm so sorry for you."
Thanx, here yah go.
1. WHEN DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Age and date?
I first did it when I was like 4, I don’t remember the exact date. The second time I was about 14. That was more of a gradual process, so there isn’t an exact date there either.
2. WHERE DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Location and setting?
First time was on the floor in my bedroom of our old apartment in Portland. The second, as I said, was kind of gradual and there was no real defining line.
3. DID SOMEONE ASSIST YOU IN YOUR CONVERSION? Who…name, title and relationship to you-history.
The first time it was my mom and dad.
The second time around I had no one but God and the angels as witnesses and guides.
4. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENNED? Tell the story of the actual experience.
The first time I simply walked up to my mom and dad and said something like “I want Jesus in my heart”. So we prayed, and everything was fine until I turned about 10 and started asking questions about “Who is God” and “How did He do that?” and “That isn’t possible, is it?”. I spent the next 2 years (2001-02) as an atheist, and the year after that looking for a faith. I had discovered that you really can’t live without anything to believe in (at least, not if you are completely honest with yourself), so I spent 2003 studying everything from Islam to Hinduism to Zen looking for something to believe in. Finally in ‘o4 I took another look at the Bible. Deciding I couldn’t make an informed decision based on the spiritual side, I turned to the historical aspects. I spent 2004-05 studying the history in the Bible and proved the historical data ~75% proven, ~25% unproven, and 0% Proven false. Since then God has been revealing the spiritual truths to me as I go along.
5. WHAT WAS YOUR LIFE LIKE BEFORE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Morally, spiritually, socially, mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally and circumstantially/situationally are a few areas to address.
I don’t remember much before my first conversion. During my “Atheist Years” though I was cold, detached, I swore, I was suicidal, and I basically had no reason to live and no desire to either.
6. HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED SINCE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART?
Well, because of the way I came to Christ the 2nd time, my views on what is right/wrong are different than some people. Especially when it comes to things like alcohol, music and movies. Because I toughed those years out alone (I was on bad terms with the ‘rents, didn’t go to church, had no friends, so no backup or support) I am a bit of a loner. You can ask me how I’m feeling and I’ll tell you with a smiling face that I am great and I might be going through my own personal Hell inside. I also have an insider’s view on a lot of the pain people go through, so it is easy for me to relate and counsel people who are struggling. I believe God put me here to help and comfort others, but to get my comfort from Him.
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LIFE VERSE AND WHY?
Luke 12:23 (New International Version)
23- Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New International Version)
3- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
8. DID SOMEONE SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION WITH YOU? DID THEY USE BIBLE VERSES? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION? BY MEMORY? WITH BIBLE VERSES?
Nope. God was my witness.
Thanx, here yah go.
1. WHEN DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Age and date?
I first did it when I was like 4, I don’t remember the exact date. The second time I was about 14. That was more of a gradual process, so there isn’t an exact date there either.
2. WHERE DID YOU ASK JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Location and setting?
First time was on the floor in my bedroom of our old apartment in Portland. The second, as I said, was kind of gradual and there was no real defining line.
3. DID SOMEONE ASSIST YOU IN YOUR CONVERSION? Who…name, title and relationship to you-history.
The first time it was my mom and dad.
The second time around I had no one but God and the angels as witnesses and guides.
4. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENNED? Tell the story of the actual experience.
The first time I simply walked up to my mom and dad and said something like “I want Jesus in my heart”. So we prayed, and everything was fine until I turned about 10 and started asking questions about “Who is God” and “How did He do that?” and “That isn’t possible, is it?”. I spent the next 2 years (2001-02) as an atheist, and the year after that looking for a faith. I had discovered that you really can’t live without anything to believe in (at least, not if you are completely honest with yourself), so I spent 2003 studying everything from Islam to Hinduism to Zen looking for something to believe in. Finally in ‘o4 I took another look at the Bible. Deciding I couldn’t make an informed decision based on the spiritual side, I turned to the historical aspects. I spent 2004-05 studying the history in the Bible and proved the historical data ~75% proven, ~25% unproven, and 0% Proven false. Since then God has been revealing the spiritual truths to me as I go along.
5. WHAT WAS YOUR LIFE LIKE BEFORE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART? Morally, spiritually, socially, mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally and circumstantially/situationally are a few areas to address.
I don’t remember much before my first conversion. During my “Atheist Years” though I was cold, detached, I swore, I was suicidal, and I basically had no reason to live and no desire to either.
6. HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED SINCE YOU ASKED JESUS INTO YOUR HEART?
Well, because of the way I came to Christ the 2nd time, my views on what is right/wrong are different than some people. Especially when it comes to things like alcohol, music and movies. Because I toughed those years out alone (I was on bad terms with the ‘rents, didn’t go to church, had no friends, so no backup or support) I am a bit of a loner. You can ask me how I’m feeling and I’ll tell you with a smiling face that I am great and I might be going through my own personal Hell inside. I also have an insider’s view on a lot of the pain people go through, so it is easy for me to relate and counsel people who are struggling. I believe God put me here to help and comfort others, but to get my comfort from Him.
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LIFE VERSE AND WHY?
Luke 12:23 (New International Version)
23- Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New International Version)
3- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
8. DID SOMEONE SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION WITH YOU? DID THEY USE BIBLE VERSES? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SHARE THE PLAN OF SALVATION? BY MEMORY? WITH BIBLE VERSES?
Nope. God was my witness.
April 4, 2009
"Thoughts of a Deranged Mind" (Update 4/4/09)
There actually isn't much to update, I just need to rant a bit. Do you mind? You don't have to read anymore if you do.
{Warning: Minor language used in following post. Do not be alarmed, English is the author's native language.}
Well, I figured I might put some more personal stuff in here. I mean, not many people actually read this thing, right? I gave Jane the link a while back and when I asked her if she red it recently the other day she said she hasn't read it for a few months. And either I have less goo friends then I thought or they aren't reading this, 'cause I think (though I might be wrong) that few people in particular would like E-mail me or talk to me at CH about whats going on in my life. Not htat I'm complaining, I'm just stating what I see.
So anyways.... Life is seeming kinda pointless right now. I don't know where I want to go.... wait, nvm, I don't know how to get to where I want to go, or even if getting there is possible for me. I want to get a double-major in Music and Writing, and then write books and/or comics and/or TV or movie scripts; and then do some music gigs and recording along the side (unless I can make it big with music, then its Nashville for this crazy 6-string player =) ). But to major in music at most colleges you need to have taken a stringed orchestral instrument, and/or piano. I've had half a year of piano, and the only stringed instruments I have ever played are 6-string and 12-string guitars and 4-string bass. So unless I get lucky I'm kinda skrewed there. I probably have a chance with Writing though.
So ten there is the whole Job/Drivers License thing. I'm 18, I don't have my permit, I've failed 6 drivers tests trying to get the stupid thing, and it's driving me crazy! And I need a job at some point to, which I'm not so worried about... yet.
And then there is the fact that I'm over half a year behind on my Health, US Gov, and Literature. I don't think I can make it!
Excuse me a minute: (@$%&*^#&$@*&$^#&@*~`*&#^$%":@#$%666;@#$%!!!)
Ok... I'm, OK.
The last thing is Lexy. As you know, I am officially 100% single, and not looking for anyone new and not planning to look for anyone new until God puts someone in front of me or Kingdom Come. But for the last couple months, she has been my Reason. I mean, why was I going to college? So I could marry her and be able to support her. Why was I struggling so hard not to snap at my parents? Because if I did, they wouldn't let me go visit her. Why was I saving up money and not buying stuff for my guitars? So I would be able to take her out when I did visit her. Why was I not letting myself go crazy with all my frustration? Because someone had to be strong for her. now she gone, and I don't need to be as strong. I can snap if I want, I can let it all go and go be insane and crazy and not give a dang about the rest of the world and it's crappy problems. But I don't want to. Problem is, I don't know how long I can stay strong and collected. And in the process of staying strong and collected, will I become that cold, emotionless person I am so afraid of becoming?
So, the whole point I guess is that, considering that this all mens nothing in heaven, it seems alot of stress and work for nothing. So I'm kinda looking for motive to go on, and I'm not finding it.
{Warning: Minor language used in following post. Do not be alarmed, English is the author's native language.}
Well, I figured I might put some more personal stuff in here. I mean, not many people actually read this thing, right? I gave Jane the link a while back and when I asked her if she red it recently the other day she said she hasn't read it for a few months. And either I have less goo friends then I thought or they aren't reading this, 'cause I think (though I might be wrong) that few people in particular would like E-mail me or talk to me at CH about whats going on in my life. Not htat I'm complaining, I'm just stating what I see.
So anyways.... Life is seeming kinda pointless right now. I don't know where I want to go.... wait, nvm, I don't know how to get to where I want to go, or even if getting there is possible for me. I want to get a double-major in Music and Writing, and then write books and/or comics and/or TV or movie scripts; and then do some music gigs and recording along the side (unless I can make it big with music, then its Nashville for this crazy 6-string player =) ). But to major in music at most colleges you need to have taken a stringed orchestral instrument, and/or piano. I've had half a year of piano, and the only stringed instruments I have ever played are 6-string and 12-string guitars and 4-string bass. So unless I get lucky I'm kinda skrewed there. I probably have a chance with Writing though.
So ten there is the whole Job/Drivers License thing. I'm 18, I don't have my permit, I've failed 6 drivers tests trying to get the stupid thing, and it's driving me crazy! And I need a job at some point to, which I'm not so worried about... yet.
And then there is the fact that I'm over half a year behind on my Health, US Gov, and Literature. I don't think I can make it!
Excuse me a minute: (@$%&*^#&$@*&$^#&@*~`*&#^$%":@#$%666;@#$%!!!)
Ok... I'm, OK.
The last thing is Lexy. As you know, I am officially 100% single, and not looking for anyone new and not planning to look for anyone new until God puts someone in front of me or Kingdom Come. But for the last couple months, she has been my Reason. I mean, why was I going to college? So I could marry her and be able to support her. Why was I struggling so hard not to snap at my parents? Because if I did, they wouldn't let me go visit her. Why was I saving up money and not buying stuff for my guitars? So I would be able to take her out when I did visit her. Why was I not letting myself go crazy with all my frustration? Because someone had to be strong for her. now she gone, and I don't need to be as strong. I can snap if I want, I can let it all go and go be insane and crazy and not give a dang about the rest of the world and it's crappy problems. But I don't want to. Problem is, I don't know how long I can stay strong and collected. And in the process of staying strong and collected, will I become that cold, emotionless person I am so afraid of becoming?
So, the whole point I guess is that, considering that this all mens nothing in heaven, it seems alot of stress and work for nothing. So I'm kinda looking for motive to go on, and I'm not finding it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
